It is the last day of 2012 and the last day of my small celebrations month. When I started I was really worried that I would not be able to do this. That it would be too hard or I would flake out. But I didn't. Not only that but it was pretty easy. Some days were less exciting than others but that is life isn't it?
Tonight I decided to share something I learned on December 19th. Nolan had his first appointment with a developmental pediatrician at Phoenix Children's Hospital on the 19th. It was at this appointment where I heard the nurse practitioner say those words I did not want to hear. "Nolan is 'at risk' for Autism". I can't say I was surprised or shocked but it would be a lie to say that it didn't hurt my heart. Ever since he started his therapies in June and I started learning about sensory processing disorders I started reading about Autism. 'At risk" for Autism is a common term used for children under three years of age, kind of a pre-diagnosis so that the child can qualify for therapies like ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) and music therapy through state and federally funded organizations. The recommendation for Nolan is to continue his weekly speech and occupational therapies and add weekly music therapy and 25 hours a week of in home ABA therapy. Yes, 25 hours a week. ABA has been used to support people diagnosed with Autism since the 1960's and has gained wide support in the past 10 years. Early intervention and intensive focus is the key. So now there are more acronyms to learn, more evaluations to schedule and more applications to fill out.
Like I mentioned before, when Amber (the nurse practitioner) first said the Autism word I was hurt. I didn't cry. I don't think I even sighed. It wasn't the first time that it was just me when I was given difficult information. I have practice at that. I close up and wrap myself in protection until I can take the time I need to process. Then I came home and started telling friends and family, still in shock. And then just a couple of nights ago I cried. Not because Nolan was given this diagnosis but because he has worked so hard just to be here, with me, ever since he was conceived. He is so strong and so loving and so full of Light and I REFUSE to allow anything on this physical plane, in this physical world, to ever dim that. I will give Nolan everything possible to support his growth and development, the top of that list is my unconditional love and every ounce of fight I have to clear the way. I am continuing his NAET treatments along with starting Reiki treatments in the next month or two. I don't assume to know how this will go, especially after the past couple of years, but I do know that this beautiful star child of mine will always know that that he is loved and that he can do and be so much more than any diagnosis that might ever be used to define him. He is the light of God, as we all are, and I will work to make sure that he carries that as a knowing that goes far deeper than any human experience he may have.
My sweet baby boy who draws people to him so that they stop and smile. I have even had some adults who stop the stroller by getting in front of it to smile and try to make eye contact with Nolan. I have seen how some people even seem to be surprised that they are engaging him. There is a joy in this child that is so complete; I will nurture that with all the love I have in my being. I am the Indigo Child who came in to this world clear the way for and to support the Prism Children coming in now. I just didn't know that one of them would be my own son.
So my celebration in this last day of 2012 is that Nolan is my son and I am his mother. Thank you to everyone who came on this month long journey with me.
Christmas Day 2012
New Year's Eve 2012