Monday, September 21, 2015

Blogging Again.....

I have decided to step back into blogging our story here. I pretty much stopped in 2013. I did so out of fear. I unexpectedly found myself in the middle of an ugly family court situation with police reports, CPS meetings, lawyers, judges and court rooms.  I was terrified for my family and I did what I do and shut down. I stopped talking to only a few who knew what was going on and I worked very hard to process everything and make the best decisions I could for myself and my son.

Two and half years later, I have decided to stop being fearful. I will be updating some things from the past two years, back dated, and then start moving forward from there.

For those of you who have been reading my blog, thank you for sticking around. And welcome to anyone who is starting in new.

Much love ~

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Your Children are Not Your Children

"Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday." - Kahil Gibran

Eli, your short life is not what I would have chosen for you or me or Nolan. Not even close. I would have chosen for you a quiet, joyful childhood, growing up with your brother. You would have experienced the regular childhood and adult experiences of laughter and tears, failure and success, happiness, creativity, friendship and being in love and having your heart broken - And you would have used all of those experiences as a powerful force of love to change the world.......

But I now know that you had your own contract and agreement with Life. I was right that your spirit was meant to be a force love on this earth but in a very different way. Your spirit lives through in Nolan and helps him take on and conquer the challenges in his journey in Life. You are in his smile and laughter and in his tears at night when he has cried out for you. When he says your name and points to your picture. I know he knows you.

Your spirit lives through me. In everything I do, everything I am - mothering your brother, teaching my students, working with my clients, caring for myself, my relationships with everyone. My goals and intentions for my life were set in movement with the birth of you and your brother and clarified with your death 11 days later. I work to be a force of love on this earth because of Nolan and because of you. Every day I unwrap more gifts from you and your short time on this earth. Your spirit is eternal and while my mama's heart still desires to hold your hand, hug you, kiss your face, hear your laugh, see you play with your brother, I know that you are here with me and that love continues on.

"A luminous light remains where a beautiful soul has passed."
You left this earth five years ago today. Your light is just as strong.

Friday, September 11, 2015

New Things!

I watched Nolan write out his first name, when requested. He held the pen correctly, he spelled his name correctly, wrote the letters clearly and did it all by himself. The interesting thing is that he wrote each letter on top of the other. I LOVE how is mind works and how he sees things! I would post a picture but I wasn't able to get one. He was signing him name as present at one of his therapy appointments.

On top of that.... I got a "I muv mommy" today spontaneous and unprompted. Calling me mommy or mama is something else new.

Oh. My. Goodness!

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Stubborn Survivor

My little boy has such a will. He's as stubborn as all get out. There is no forcing him into anything. This makes for some interesting times like this morning. He does NOT like the antibiotics he is taking for his ear infection. And to try to physically force him gets more in his hair and on him than in him. So we had a stand off this morning. It took about 45 minutes before he agreed to take his medicine. Helping him to maintain the integrity of his body and still do what he needs to do.

Now, of course, my mom thought this was terribly funny because he is a mini me in this. So as challenging as he can be at times. I smile because I know he's a survivor, he's a fighter. His light will always shine brightly he will take what comes his way, and make it work for him and continue to love, just like he has since he was born and even before.