This past weekend was a difficult one. I felt empty and restless. I felt invisible in my pain. It was during this time 4 months ago that Eli lived his short life on this earth. I look forward to the time when I can look back on his 11 days here with me with joy but right now it is still extremely painful.
Sunday night I received a gift of a vision. In my mind's eye I saw Eli standing at a door in front of me. Slowly I watched him open the door and invite me to step through the doorway, telling me it was okay to go through and take the next step. I trust the energy and spirit of Eli completely so I saw myself cross the threshold and step through. I felt lighter and clearer. I see that there are still many doors for me to go through in this process but I believe Eli is here with me to guide me through these steps, these doorways. The doorways of grief and healing but more importantly the doorways of love.
"I will be watching over you.
I am going to help you see it through.
I will protect you in the night.
I am smiling next to you......"
-Queensryche "Silent Lucidity