I got some good news for my birthday last week.
As it turned out, the ultra sounds and MRI's that had been done on my back because of the car accident showed something unexpected. A cyst on my right ovary. I have had ovarian cysts and endometreosis before so it was not a big surprise when another one was found. So I got my referral to the ob/gyn, made my appointment and showed up.
Now, I have to say that this was my first ob/gyn appt with a doctor that did not know the story of my boys and our fight for their lives. As I sat in the office filling out the paper work my mind kept going blank -
How many pregnancies?
How many live births?
How many living children?
How many surgeries?
I found that I would look at a question on the sheet and instead of answering it I relived the question and answer in my head and would completely forget what I was doing.. It took me a long time to complete the forms and a lot of deep breaths to keep the tears at bay.
Finally I completed everything and was called back to see the doctor. First time I had ever met him. He was very matter of fact, not unkind, just direct. Whenever we got anywhere close to my recent pregnancy I would feel myself floating away again. But mostly we talked about my past endometreosis and ovarian cysts. It was very comfortable and casual until he did the ultra sound. Suddenly his voice became serious as he started talking about cancer and possibly needing a hysterectomy. My head almost spun because of the quick change.
What he was seeing was a complex tumor, he said. Suddenly he dropped the term cyst and because of my family history with ovarian cancer he wanted this taken care of immediately. He told me that I was to get the CA-125 blood test for ovarian cancer. If it came back positive he would direct me to a gynecologist oncologist for an entire hysterectomy. Even though there are MANY false positives for this test, that was his plan. If it came back negative then he would remove my ovary himself. Either way, due to the type of tumor there was no allowing it to grow or burst on it's own as it could make me very sick and damage other internal organs. He sent me directly to the lab in the next medical building over and I felt like I was in shock...
All of this happened before the amazing experience of letting go of the previous post. It was actually the afternoon after this appointment that my fears dropped away but I did not want to post anything about the doctors appointment until I knew the results.
Well, the wonderful news is that the test came back negative for cancer so I will be getting an ovary -ectomy. I don't think that is a real word but it sounds funny. And because of the amazing realization of the last post I am not worried. What shall be shall be. I shall take care of myself, love my life and those in it and move forward. It looks like the surgery will be in the next couple of weeks. I am ready to complete this cycle.
PS - just in case I did not remember, I am a mom. How do I know this? Well, I took my son to the childrens museum in celebration of MY birthday. :) Here is a picture of him looking at the kids playing below
Nolan got me a special birthday gift because it was 18 months ago on March 15th that we said goodbye to our sweet Eli. He gave me two solar garden butterflies. I put them out in the yard on Eli's anniversary and here is a picture of how they lit up that night and every night since then.
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