Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Years Eve 2011

Another calendar year will soon have passed since I said goodbye to my baby Eli. I have his flameless candle going in his cabinet in Nolan's room right now. I turn it on at night during those important times when his absence is so poignant - like the holidays - like now.

The amazing changes Nolan has gone through in 2011 have been a joy to be a part of. He's 26lbs now, taking steps on his own, eating table food. He made it through his first Phoenix summer, in a helmet no less, played with his first sparklers, had is first birthday party, had his first stomach flu and graduated to having his own room. You would never guess that he was born 13 weeks early and at total of 2lbs 4oz, just like his brother just 16 months ago.

In my last post I said I was trying to remember what I believed in -
I remembered the next day -
Once again the 10 day countdown to 2012 asked the right question at the right time. I had been asking for guidance since the accident, feeling so overwhelmed and not understanding, and as it always happens - the questions I needed to guide me to the answers I was looking for just popped up
My #1 wish for the New Year is....
My response -

Peace for all living creatures on earth with everyone knowing that they are loved - that they ARE love.

Simple but truly my desire.

About 6-7 years ago I went through a couple of self-awareness programs and I learned many things about myself but one that became crystal clear was that if I were to come to the end of this life and feel like I did not love enough, that I could have loved more but chose not to I would be heart broken.

And my understanding of this love may be different than others. I DO NOT mean allowing people to harm me or remaining in places that are hurtful. I mean to choose not to harm others intentionally for any reason, to live in compassion and passion, chosing to love me because I deserve it as much as anyone else, saying MY truth for me, owning it even if others may not agree or like me for it.

I believe that the intelligence, the energy, in the world that literally holds things together (talking physics - the stuff between matter) is love - that is it. A love that is far beyond the human love we often talk about "I love my new phone." The love that I felt after Eli died. I couldn't rely on the normal expressions, holding him, feeding him, like other mothers with their babies - I had to broaden my definition of love again so that I could feel him in the breeze, in the feel of the sun, see him in the sky at night. THAT love is my wish for myself and for every other living being on this earth.

I have decided to be part of a decluttering group for January. So looking forward to clearing out my garage and holding a garage sale the beginning of February and all the proceeds will be going to the March of Dimes. Just need my back and neck to hold up to their part of the deal.

I have also decided to choose one conscious raising item to do once a day for the month of January. Placing my focus on making sure I do something every day to invite more good, more joy, more awareness, more prosperity, more LOVE expressed in my life, my sons life and on this earth. I will be posting them on my facebook page Rediscovering Your Light

Happy New Year

May you be aware of the magic at work in your life in every moment.

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