Love in a Walk to the Mailbox

I loved walking to the mailbox with my little boy this evening. The Arizona sunset. The air was slightly cool. My little boy wouldn't walk out of the front gate without holding my hand. As I was closing the gate his little hand was reaching up searching out my bigger one. This walk to the mailbox was a perfect 5 minutes of love.

Happy 2013!

Happy 2013 to everyone!

I wish you
Beauty and Truth
Clarity and Kindness
Grace and Strength
Love and Light

The winds of change are already starting up for 2013. Keeping my nose up, turning in to the wind, flying fast and guided by the Light and Love.

I found an amazing new facebook page in support of parents of children with autism. Autism Sparkles. This quote is taken from a blog post by the owner of the page 

"After that day, I decided autism might just be the most scary brilliant thing I’d ever come to know in my life.  There could be so much radiance sparkling just under the surface if you looked closely.  I vowed right then we would not seal our fate because of the lack of expectation others held for him  and I would never again hand him over to the dark side of autism that gave up before it ever got started." 

I knew this page was for me as soon as I saw it.

And finally this

While the storm may very well be "the dark night of our soul" and the most difficult thing we will ever face;

if we open ourselves up

allow ourselves to be torn asunder 

and then get up with the light to move forward again

This storm could be one of the most amazing gifts of our lives.

Love <3

A Month of Small Celebrations - December 31

Small Celebrations

It is the last day of 2012 and the last day of my small celebrations month.  When I started I was really worried that I would not be able to do this. That it would be too hard or I would flake out. But I didn't. Not only that but it was pretty easy. Some days were less exciting than others but that is life isn't it?

Tonight I decided to share something I learned on December 19th. Nolan had his first appointment with a developmental pediatrician at Phoenix Children's Hospital on the 19th. It was at this appointment where I heard the nurse practitioner say those words I did not want to hear. "Nolan is 'at risk' for Autism". I can't say I was surprised or shocked but it would be a lie to say that it didn't hurt my heart. Ever since he started his therapies in June and I started learning about sensory processing disorders I started reading about Autism. 'At risk" for Autism is a common term used for children under three years of age, kind of a pre-diagnosis so that the child can qualify for therapies like ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis) and music therapy through state and federally funded organizations. The recommendation for Nolan is to continue his weekly speech and occupational therapies and add weekly music therapy and 25 hours a week of in home ABA therapy. Yes, 25 hours a week. ABA has been used to support people diagnosed with Autism since the 1960's and has gained wide support in the past 10 years. Early intervention and intensive focus is the key. So now there are more acronyms to learn, more evaluations to schedule and more applications to fill out.

Like I mentioned before, when Amber (the nurse practitioner) first said the Autism word I was hurt. I didn't cry. I don't think I even sighed. It wasn't the first time that it was just me when I was given difficult information. I have practice at that. I close up and wrap myself in protection until I can take the time I need to process. Then I came home and started telling friends and family, still in shock. And then just a couple of nights ago I cried. Not because Nolan was given this diagnosis but because he has worked so hard just to be here, with me, ever since he was conceived. He is so strong and so loving and so full of Light and I REFUSE to allow anything on this physical plane, in this physical world, to ever dim that. I will give Nolan everything possible to support his growth and development, the top of that list is my unconditional love and every ounce of fight I have to clear the way. I am continuing his NAET treatments along with starting Reiki treatments in the next month or two. I don't assume to know how this will go, especially after the past couple of years, but I do know that this beautiful star child of mine will always know that that he is loved and that he can do and be so much more than any diagnosis that might ever be used to define him. He is the light of God, as we all are, and I will work to make sure that he carries that as a knowing that goes far deeper than any human experience he may have. 

My sweet baby boy who draws people to him so that they stop and smile. I have even had some adults who stop the stroller by getting in front of it to smile and try to make eye contact with Nolan. I have seen how some people even seem to be surprised that they are engaging him. There is a joy in this child that is so complete; I will nurture that with all the love I have in my being. I am the Indigo Child who came in to this world clear the way for and to support the Prism Children coming in now. I just didn't know that one of them would be my own son.

So my celebration in this last day of 2012 is that Nolan is my son and I am his mother. Thank you to everyone who came on this month long journey with me.

Christmas Day 2012

New Year's Eve 2012

A Month of Small Celebrations - December 30

Small Celebrations

Here is to a wonderful movie with my mom on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Les Miserables. 

I saw it on the stage in Washington DC over 20 years ago. A good friend of mine got tickets for us while I was visiting. Amazing seats!  I remembered nothing from it other than I was really moved. So when I saw it was coming out in the movies I knew I wanted to see it and talked my mom into joining me today. 

Once again I was moved to tears.

Fight. Dream. Hope. Love.

This is a picture is my favorite subplot.

A Month of Small Celebrations - December 29

Small Celebration

Split pea soup. Homemade from left over Christmas ham. 

Sooo, good!

I love soup. I really do. One of the some reasons I have a tough time with AZ summers is because it is too hot to have soup.  :)

And I love sleeping all night long. Thank you Nolan.

A Month of Small Celebrations - December 28

Small Celebrations

New friends and Old friends

This morning as I left to go to work Nolan's speech therapist, Tara, came in for his one hour in home therapy session. He saw her and smiled and waved his hands in excitement. Nolan is a very warm and loving little boy.  It can take a little time for him to get to know you but once he does he is your friend. My little boy loves his therapists, Tara and Andrea. He flashes his wonderful smile and lets out a giggle or two when they come to visit. He will sit in their laps and play with them. It always warms my heart to see how these women won his trust and that he truly enjoys his time with them every week.

This evening I had a wonderful dinner with a dear friend, Elizabeth, from grade school. I met her when my family moved to Wahoo, NE during 5th grade and then we moved away at the end of my sophomore year. To this day that is the longest I have ever lived anywhere.  She still lives in the midwest but her family decided to spend some time in Phoenix over the holidays so we made plans to get together for dinner tonight. As soon as I saw Elizabeth I knew it was her by her smile. She and her parents were a huge part of those years of my life. I have many memories with her and spending time at her parents house. I really feel as though I reconnected with a good friend  tonight even though we hadn't seen each other in almost 20 years. 

Here is a picture is of two silly young teen girls in the midwest in the early 80's.

Blessed.

A Month of Small Celebrations - December 27

Small Celebration

I see trees of green, 
red roses too. 
I see them bloom, 
for me and you. 
And I think to myself,
what a wonderful world. 

I see skies of blue, 
And clouds of white. 
The bright blessed day, 
The dark sacred night. 
And I think to myself, 
What a wonderful world. 

The colors of the rainbow, 
So pretty in the sky. 
Are also on the faces, 
Of people going by, 
I see friends shaking hands. 
Saying, "How do you do?" 
They're really saying, 
"I love you". 

I hear babies cry, 
I watch them grow, 
They'll learn much more, 
Than I'll ever know. 
And I think to myself, 
What a wonderful world. 

Yes, I think to myself, 
What a wonderful world. 

Oh yeah.

This song just makes me smile.