Not fair

Sometimes life is not fair. This is nothing new and anyone over 3 years old probably knows this already in some way or another
And
I was wandering through some March of Dimes stuff on the internet and I came across a statistic that I knew already, I remember it well but it still made me cry when I saw it.
There is a 90% survival rate for infants born at 27wks......
My sweet boys went from a 95%+ mortality rate due to TTTS to a 90% survival rate in premature birth. Nolan made it. Eli did not.
We fought hard. Beat the cruel odds of TTTS and just when I thought we were out of the woods Eli was gone. Another group of capital letters took his little body, NEC.
I still cry a couple times a week because of my grief over Eli's departure. But that's better than it used to be.

I am tired. I am in physical pain. I am missing my little boy tonight.
And so it is time for some pain meds, a muscle relaxer and some sleep for now.
When I wake up tomorrow I will see my Nolan's amazing smiling face and I will smile too.