Saturday, October 8, 2011


Just a short post to say hi.
I have been tired recently. I think maybe it is the thyroid medication. That it is not enough... I go back and have my blood work in a couple of weeks. I would not be surprised if we need to up the dosage. I know too low of a dosage can slow everything down. I went to the grocery store 4 times today AND still did not remember to get the juice for my son and honey for a health tea. Four times! Who goes to the grocery store 4 times and still forgets things? That would be me. I do...... I have my sense of humor and was laughing about it earlier but now I am so tired the computer screen is swinging back and forth in front of me..... I will go to bed soon.

I am excited though... Even if it doesn't sound like it. My mom and I found a house to move into at the end of the month. It is adorable on the outside. Great outside space just in time for perfect outside weather in AZ. It will be a good move - once the move happens. Nolan will have his own room. I am excited to decorate it for him! We will see if he actually sleeps in it. lol

I made another donation in Eli's name today. It felt right. I will continue to do it. Keeps him alive and gives his short earth life even more meaning. It was only a couple of dollars but it made me smile and feel him closer to me. It was as if I was saying "Look at me baby. I want to make you proud."

I hit 13 months since the boys were born. I had been lighting a candle from the 4th to the 15th every month in memory of Eli. It was comforting. I decided that after the boys first birthday last month I would only do it in September every year. Just a way to show that I have been making progress on my grief. (I don't know who I was going to show...) I miss his candle being lit in my room at night. I don't have anything to prove, I remind myself. If I am not ready then I am not ready.

And so I think I will go to sleep with Nolan breathing quietly in his crib next to me and Eli's candle lit.

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