Another Birthday

Yes, another birthday, this one is mine though, not the boys. March 14th, 19.....

My birthdays are quiet affairs these days, getting together with family, and LOTS of birthday wishes on social media! I mean, it really was wonderful. I especially love the ones with the images and those with the extra sentiments. I am just a sucker for those things, always have been. I used to be on TOP of getting birthday cards out through snail mail, back in the day... But then I was not a single mom, nor mom at all, nor was I busy with all the big important mom stuff I do.

There were a lot of things I used to do, back in the day that I don't do anymore. Some of them were easy to give up, professional pedicures. They weren't that important. Some of them were hard to give up, fancy coffee drinks. Not something I needed but something that I wanted. And then there are those things that I never in a million years wanted to give up or ever even considered I would give up and yet, here I am... Birthdays do that - help you think of these things....

I started a couple of daily mindful practices the beginning of this year including; reading something inspirational or that I learn from, writing down something I am grateful for and outlining what my daily goals are, based on my son's and my schedule for the day... In this practice some things have happened....

I have completely read two books! One of the things I had given up, though not intentionally,  just due to time limitations, was reading for fun. The books I like to read for fun are usually those that teach me something, so my daily reading mindfulness practice has fit right in. I read two books at 5 minutes a day since January 1st. I have always said that everyone can find 5 minutes in a day to do something they enjoy and it seems like that thought may have been right....

Getting a good night's sleep is also something I gave up. I truly had no idea that I could go on such limited sleep for years and still function.... Though I have to say that the functioning had gone down hill lately as it became just too much. Thankfully we seemed to have turned a corner, at least for now. My son is able to sleep through the night more times than not in a week. I have also began to put a priority on my own bed time and am planning on creating a bed time routine for myself! Oh how wonderfully old of me!

Anyway, I mentioned getting a good night's sleep. Well, "waking up" after only sleeping 2-3 hours for the 10th, 20th plus, night in a row makes it very, very, VERY hard to come up with something to be grateful for, unless it is a nap or coffee in my near future.... While I have always thought of myself as a positive person, it seems as though my positivity had become much easier to experience for my clients, students, friends/family. For myself I focused on what needed to be done next. It's my pragmatic side coming out. My To Do List has subcategories with other To Do Lists attached. I am serious, truly... Working to recreate your own business, help run a non profit, finish up yoga teacher training AND managing my son's 25 hours a week of therapy/school, requires my To Do Lists to have To Do Lists right now... And it has been my new mindfulness practice of writing down even one thing to be grateful for, right now, has kept me present to the beauty of now.

There is more I could write about but I will leave it at this, my little mindfulness practices I have been practicing for two and half months are working.... Those small daily changes I have made in my life are helping to clear my head, organize my thoughts, empower my spirit and strengthen my body.

Everyone has 5 minutes to do something they love every day. I have found it to be true. Now that I have it, I hope I don't let it go. It's good for me.... And it only took until my 48th birthday to see that.

And so it was. Little bits of light. Happy birthday to me!

Here's to always learning in our life -  

even when we think, or especially when we think, we should know better.

25 Events of 2013 - In No Particular Order

    1.       We got Nolan’s official diagnosis in May – severe autism.

    2.       A beautiful friend of mine died unexpectedly in his sleep in February – I miss you John.

    3.       Finally had the finances to do some of the things I had been wanting to do in Eli’s name since he died in 2010. Every single penny and every single moment was worth it. 

    4.       I became a published author again! Thanks Tova!  

    5.       Police, CPS, family court and lawyer’s fees – oh my……

    6.       Nolan started developmental preschool. He is absolutely thriving there.

    7.       Helped support some fellow baby loss moms in connecting with their child on the other side, on their own.

    8.       Started back to college to finish my degree. My sister was my inspiration.

    9.       I have heard my little man’s voice. Nolan finally picked up the first sign. We had been working on it for months and he hasn’t looked back. He’s now up to 5 and starting to sing the alphabet.

   10.    I didn’t get to see my niece and nephews in Tucson as much as I wanted to this year. I miss them.

   11.    Took HUGE steps in healing old wounds, forgiveness of myself and others, reclaiming my power and remembering to trust in the Universe.

   12.    Months and months and months of being up 2-4 hours in the middle of the night with a little boy who doesn't sleep well.

   13.    Amazing moments of cuddling, silliness and love with my little one in those 2-4 hours of middle of the night awakeness.

   14.    Knowing I am stronger than I ever thought I was, and I have always thought I was pretty strong.

   15.    Finally coming to the point of starting to create holiday traditions for my little family. It has been a hard road.

   16.    Understanding that the new year doesn’t move me further away from Eli. He comes with us.

   17.    My little man sat on Santa’s lap!

   18.    The loss of some old friendships.

   19.    The gain of some new friendships.

   20.    Knowing how lucky I am to have my client base, some who have been with me for years now and they always recommend me to others.

   21.    Being acknowledged as a spiritual mentor to a wildly successful, beautiful and spirited young woman.

   22.    Being told yesterday that I do not look anywhere near 45. I feel like the past 4 years have aged me more than any other time in my life. 

   23.    I finished Eli’s picture book and got his beautiful Molly Bear.

   24.    I am honored to continue to be a faculty member at Southwest Institute of Healing Arts.

   25.    Remembering in all of this that I choose what it means. And I know it means I am blessed.

A Month of Small Celebrations - December 26

Small Celebration

I officially re -enrolled in college! 

I signed up for four classes today. I decided to work on finishing my bachelors and I even changed my field of study. I have about 1/2 the credits needed. I was focusing on psychology, a natural for me, but it never completely resonated for me. I never wanted to be a therapist. Life coach, hypnotherapist? Yes. Therapist? No. So, after the many changes and challenges I have experienced over the past couple of years I have realized that what I truly, truly wish to do is use my voice, my words and share my passion for communication. :) 

I learned so much about communication in my years as an airline employee. I watched how people talk to each other when they are stressed, fearful, in pain and in joy. In all my years with the airlines it is very possible I have watched over a million people be and act. I learned how to talk to people who were crying, sick, drunk, screaming in anger. And on a couple of really bad days I learned how to manage a riot. I learned how to be confident even when I was shaking in my shoes, because the group needed someone to be a confident leader. I learned how to keep 137 people interested in a safety demo on the plane. The key was being interested in what I was saying. If I was interested they were more likely to listen to me. So I made it a game, made it fun. I learned how to calm the energy of an entire aircraft of people with what I said and how I said it. I announced to the passengers on my plane getting ready to depart San Diego on September 11, 2001 what had happened in New York and DC, and what was going to happen next with their flight. The Captain and the First Officer refused to make an announcement to the passengers on board so as the first flight attendant, I did.

Then I started classes at Southwest Institute of Healing Arts and I learned about "holding space", being neutral and grounded. Being centered and coming from an open heart space, listening in love and acceptance. I learned that sometimes when I speak it comes from a deeper more powerful place than my own simple human wisdom. I learned how to honor the place someone was in and not judge. I started to see how these simple acts of communication changed the entire experience of a conversation. It is amazing what can and will occur when the person(s) you are speaking with  knows that they are safe, truly safe, with you. There is healing in that space. I learned it and then I started teaching it.

And most recently, my sons have helped me to learn how to have deeply intimate conversations and remain detached from the outcome. I learned that sometimes the best and most loving act of communication I can do is to listen quietly and offer love. I learned that we are actually empowered when we can speak of our own fears, pain and weaknessness. 

And now recently I have been feeling limited in the work I have been doing and what I wish to do because I do not have a degree. It is time to change that. I have much to learn. I have much to teach. I have much to create and I understand that now is the time for the next step. And so, a bachelors in communication here I come!

I am grateful to the million + people who have taught me these things. Whether they were in my life for a decades or for a moment. And I am grateful for the millions more I have to learn from. I am celebrating.

A Month of Small Celebrations - December 4

Small Celebration

Today I celebrate my clients. I have made a number of changes in where and when I see my clients since I opened up shop in 2009. There were many that I lost with all the time I had to take off due to the pregnancy, my boys and my health challenges. And some others left when I decided to work only via the phone or skype. But the clients who have made these changes with me I am so thrilled to have. I had a powerful client session today and it let me experience again the joy I feel when I am able to support someone in their personal growth, awareness and transformation. It helps to remind me that I am good at that. And I feel as though I am fulfilling a deeper purpose in my life while I assist someone in fulfilling theirs. There is no more beautiful feeling in my professional life than when I know I have done this. 

This is one of my work spaces. 

:)